Black Master, white sissy Part 2

Still, you'd think by now that I would have stopped fighting but when I suddenly understood that I was going to have a ring through my septum, a nose ring like a pig or animal, I couldn't take it. I screamed and screamed and writhed and twisted and they just let me get on with that until I had exhausted myself and then proceeded quite calmly to ring me. I was broken by now. I accepted it. It's funny - there comes a point when you do accept that you really can do nothing to change events; everyone has a different breaking point I guess and the nose ring was mine. And then there's a kind of peace - even the pain seemed to recede, things became dreamlike and drifting and all problems, thoughts of the future, even memories of the past, of what I had so recently been - all, just melted away.

After this, having the word 'sissy' tattooed on my upper left shoulder and ‘slave’ on my right was the least of my worries or problems. It was like an out of body experience. I saw the needle, I heard the buzz and hum, I watched blood and ink mingle with a kind of bemused detachment, as if it were happening to someone else, not to me at all. So there I was, naked, shaved, pierced, tattooed, made-up, dressed in lingerie. And to tell the truth, in a state of shock. It was all too much, too quick. I felt bewildered and not sure whether I should be laughing or crying - the emotions were all too complex for me. Yes, I was exhilarated because I had come round in my mind to accepting the need for change - I guess I had started on this path because deep down I hated the way I had been living my life. It had been so false. I had lived by other people's rules, by the rules of the straight world I mixed in; there's were the values I had subscribed to. A change was due.

But this change was so sudden and so drastic. I mean, I had yet to see myself in a mirror but I could easily imagine that the transformation was of such an order and to such an extent that my mother would have had to look twice - or three times - to recognise me.